ArcaMax

There's a fiction circling singleworld that making your life comfortable and secure while you're unmarried consigns you to a life sentence there, with no chance of parole or reprieve. Well, this lady engineer is over the moon to announce that the myth is pure fiction! The reality? The more interesting you make your singleness, the more relaxed and genuine you'll be -- which will certainly make you a love magnet. To continue: The more friends and possibilities you cram into your life, the better your odds of getting what you want from it. Logic beats fiction, no?

--Be yourself. A simple gem of advice, but like most simplicities it's not so simple. You're being asked not only to know yourself but to show the world -- at all times, in every situation -- that clear and strong sense of self.

--Making the first move is a skill men need to learn early on if they are to have any sort of a social life. But women are pushing themselves to lose their innate bend toward passivity and also master the fine art of assertiveness. As they see the pool of eligibles dwindle dramatically in middle age, they realize the old patterns of femininity are out of sync with real life today. For the fair sex, then, it's role reversal or perish. At any age, we women are getting the message we must resist our ingrained passivity that's holding us back from life's goodnesses. And you?

--The world of work is truly a gem. It's a support system, somewhere you can be yourself, authentic. It gives the gratification of being part of something larger than ourselves, of contributing to a larger entity, of being productive and useful. When widows tell me they are so financially well off they don't need to get a job, I honestly feel sorry for them. And I speak my piece, saying a job would give them a reason to get up in the morning, to get dressed in the morning, be at their place of work on time, meet people they don't know -- they would never meet anywhere else -- and in so many ways widen their horizons. Before you turn this page, I ask you to think about it. For me. For yourself!

--Reeling from relationship blues? Until you call a truce between the male and the female aspects of your personality, you'll continue to dance solo. Harmonize your masculinity (power, aggression) and your femininity (compassion, acceptance, yielding quality) in your personality, and relating will be so much smoother, as it should be! It's not an easy thing I'm suggesting, but the payoff is huge! (To ease into the subject, I hope you bring up the subject with your closest friend, the one who really listens to you.) And bend the ear of your local librarian. She just might suggest some books on the subject. (I have a feeling this might inspire a letter from you to me!)

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Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks -- in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.