ArcaMax

Single parenting can be lonely, coming back to needy children and a partnerless home every night. But calling for a Family Council every Friday night, when the kids can sleep late the next day (and so can you), can put some fun and pizza into the week for all of you. It's a great time to air grievances, big and small, and let every voice feel important. So Friday around dinnertime, make it a ritual for the family to gather in the living room, put pillows on the floor so sitting is comfortable, and make small talk until the pizza arrives. Ordering (and paying) is your job, mom. Now, while you're Chairman of the Board of your family, it's your pleasure to strengthen bonds between generations. Can you think of a more important one? Neither can I.

There are some people who definitely should be lifelong singles. (I bet you know some of them.) They prefer their individuality on a 24-hour basis, and resist sharing in any form. They like their own company and their way of getting through the day, and resist change of any kind! Set in their ways, I guess you'd say. They simply do not want to accommodate another's needs. And why should they?! Just as some people don't want children, some of us do not want to be part of a couple. And that's that.

Children of divorce fantasize many things during their life disruption. The reunion of their parents, for one thing. But they often imagine that something they themselves did (or didn't do) is responsible for their parents' split, this major earthquake in the family. And so they think they should be punished for that nasty deed, and they ought to be punished. They deserve bad things, and make sure bad stuff happens to themselves. Not a pretty scenario, one to watch out for if you're in divorce mode.

Many people discover that their divorce crisis opens them up to the needs of other people, deepens their compassion. Divorce can be downright humanizing -- if regarded as a learning experience and not the end of the world. If possible, best to avoid divorce. But if there's no alternative, it can be used to become a better person -- more understanding, more tolerant, kinder and less judgmental. Slower to condemn others' decisions.

Do you believe all the good people in the world are already married? And the only ones left are retreads? Damaged goods? (I can hear the guffaws already.) Yep. There are some walking the earth who totally believe there is no one for them because all the desirables have been gobbled up. They came too late to the party. To whom I say, nonsense!!!! It's a big world, and good things happen all the time. Like unexpected meetings, accidents, last-minute changes in schedules. Stay open to the odd things and "accidents" of life, and keep the faith.

Connectedness is what single life is all about. The more pathways we build into the world around us, the happier and more self-reliant our lives will be. The point is to reach out to your community and put down roots. Now, while you're unmarried. Don't put your life on hold, waiting until you're cozily coupled to reach out to your community. The more good people in your life, the more joy and smiles for you. Right now, call your local United Way to see where you can help locally. The nicest people volunteer their time to give back to their community! Hmm ... while you're helping your town, you're meeting the nicest people. Think about the possibilities ...

========

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks -- in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.