ArcaMax

--Readiness is all. The same person who didn't stir you 10 years ago might just knock your socks off today because you've grown and now see their better points ... and maybe -- just maybe -- because you're now ready to make the commitment. Stay open.

--How many people do you know who look at marriage as an experience rather than a commitment? (Are you one?) They -- you -- think of marriage as little more than prerequisite for divorce. (Sigh) Should the marriage fail -- and they don't do much to help it succeed -- they really and truly believe they'll be much more desirable on the open market, highly valued as seasoned, worldly, sophisticated. Are they for real?!

--The very next time you're part of an all-female gab session that morphs turns into ragging the male, do yourself (and moi) proud: Speak your piece as you leave the room. That anti-male mindset diminishes not only the speaker but also any female listeners in the room. Think about it.

--Be cautious -- be very, very circumspect about dating within your work setting. I know you spend half your life with these people, but injecting romance into your working relationship takes humungous discretion, state-of-the-art cleverness. And usually, when the fling thing ends, one member of the cast (or both) gets booted. Best not to start.

--Do you know, really know, how you feel about your sexuality? When was the last time you thought about your personal morality quietly, seriously, coolly? Well, perhaps now is the right time to get down to the basics, one of the few issues that determines much of your emotional well-being. Whether you come face to face with it, sex is an issue that has so much sway on your thinking -- and on your emotional life. Seems to me it's time to figure out which situations feel right, which motives feel wrong, before the underwear starts flying. No?

--Good news for us women: We've figured out how we can have our independence and our partner's love at the same time. The "bad" news? The delicious combination doesn't just happen out of the blue; it takes thought and effort. (If you consider compromise, flexibility and self-control not worth the gain.) Oh. There is one thing more: We women need to let go of the anger we've mistakenly associated with assertion. 'Nuff said, no?

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