ArcaMax

Dear Annie: I've been with my spouse for nine years. Lately, I feel he's so distant, and I can't help but be bothered by it. About a year ago, everything changed. He started hiding his phone, being secretive with his friends, had multiple social media accounts, etc.

I've had a gut feeling for a while, and when I talked to him about it, he told me to never trust my gut, which left me confused because my whole life, my gut has always been right. I've talked to him about his change in behavior many times, and he either gets upset and flips it on me or I just get the silent treatment.

I'm still with him. I love this man so much, and I could see him being my forever. But I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready to grow and put my dreams into reality. I would love for him to be the one beside me for that, but for the life of me, I cannot not think about how he's acting. I just want to know for sure what's going on, but I feel like I'm never really going to know or get the truth out of him.

They say what happens in the dark always comes to the light. But when? I don't want to work on things and then find out my gut was right and it breaks my heart even more. I want to trust him and grow old together, but at this point, I don't know what to do. Can you help? -- Torn Between Love and Doubt

Dear Torn: Your gut has been sending you a message -- and you should absolutely trust it. Your spouse has been stringing you along, dismissing every red flag you've noticed and gaslighting you into doubting yourself. In a healthy, loving relationship, he would be doing whatever is necessary to ease your anxiety and prove he can be trusted. The truth here is, he can't be.

Dear Annie: I've been involved in a long-distance relationship for over two-and-a-half years. We have never met but have emailed each other for all this time. I'm in Tennessee, and she lives in Birmingham, Alabama, but her job has her in Seattle quite a bit. We are both 70 years old. She seems to be into me, and I'm into her.

I've tried to meet her many times, offering to fly out to Seattle or even meet in Las Vegas. She always tells me she has to think about it and, of course, I never get an answer. I've even asked her why she won't meet, but again, of course, no answer.

She has never asked me for money or gifts. I know she went through a tough divorce a long time ago. We've all had our rough times, especially at our age. She is a Capricorn and fits the bill to a T. I'm sure you're going to tell me to call it quits, but my problem is, when I see something I want, I don't give up. Maybe that's my weakness!

Tell me I'm crazy, but she has told me I'm starting to break down some of her walls. Am I a fool? -- Crazy in the Head

Dear Crazy: As hard as it is to hear, this person is nothing more to you than a two-and-a-half-year pen pal, at best. What's most concerning is that this "woman" hasn't allowed so much as a phone call in the years you have known her.

If this person really is who they say they are, it's clear they're not ready for a romantic relationship (whether that's really because of her messy divorce or because she doesn't see you as her next partner, we don't know). What we do know is that you deserve a relationship that is real and has the potential for a future -- and this woman, at least right now, isn't it.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.