Technology makes people flakier. It’s a sad truth. People can hide behind a screen without seeing someone else’s reaction to their words… or non-words, as is sometimes the case with ghosting. That’s not to say that all people are unreliable or flaky or rude, of course. In fact, most people are not. But the few who are set a negative tone about dating for everyone. So, today’s lesson is to respect other people’s time and own up to your actions.

I was having brunch with a friend of mine recently, a divorced man in his 40s. He was sharing with me how his dating life was going (“pretty well,” in his words) but he had an experience he considered odd and wanted to share with me.

He started chatting with a woman on Hinge on a Sunday. By Tuesday, they had set up a date (yay for efficiency!) for the following Friday at 6 p.m. They confirmed the time, date and location. All was set. That Thursday afternoon, two days after they confirmed the date and one day before the date, he sent this text to her: “Hi Cheryl, where did this week go? Looking forward to meeting you tomorrow.” This is the exact advice I give: Re-confirm one day before with the confident confirmation of “Looking forward to seeing you” vs. “Are we still on?” which often comes off as insecure. To this text, he did not get a response. She should have replied “Me too!” or “See you then!” Or canceled if she had to. But she didn’t reply at all.

At that point, what was he to do? He couldn’t assume the date was off because she hadn’t officially canceled. But he was nervous about going because, in general, a confirmation text would be followed by a response (even as minimal as a “thumbs up” reaction) of some kind.

He did go on the date. She did not. He texted her at the time of their meeting, “Hi, I’m here. Are you?” No response. Then, some time later, “I think you’re standing me up. If so, blech.” Let me tell you—he was much kinder than I might have been! And she promptly unmatched him on Hinge, as if trying to disappear into thin air.

My friend did everything right—made concrete plans, asked where it would be convenient for her (he chose a nice spot near her), and confirmed a day before. Then he got stood up. This is NOT OK. He didn’t feel great after she didn’t reply to his confirmation, as I mentioned, but given that they had planned a time and location, of course we went. He couldn’t assume that she wouldn’t be there because then he might be standing her up!

He expressed to me his desire to just quit after this experience—quit the dating apps, quit dating altogether. Taking a break from dating because you’re burned out is one thing, but quitting because of one person’s bad behavior is not something I’d ever recommend. Don’t let this one person prevent you from meeting amazing ones. Your dating life is not just as good or as bad as your last date. (Feel free to read that again.)

This behavior, however, is not OK. If you need to cancel, cancel. If you waste someone’s time, own up to it. If you change your mind about someone, tell the person. It’s that simple. Be a good human. Not canceling and not showing is not an option. Below are some rules of thumb for when you need to cancel a date:

1. If you need to cancel the day of the date, within about four hours before the date, call the person if you have their number. Yes, call. Just recently, a client told me that her date canceled on her 45 minutes before a date—via text—with nary an apology in sight. Have courtesy. Leaving a voicemail, and then following up with a text, counts.

2. If you’re canceling and you still want to see the other person, then propose a new date at the time of the cancellation. Without an attempt to reschedule, the person thinks you’ve changed your mind entirely and no longer want to meet.

3. Add an “I’m sorry” into any cancellation.

I received a cancellation from a friend recently that read like this:

“Hey, Erika. I know how you feel about last-minute cancellations [true!], but I was just notified that on top of having to work tomorrow morning my dad and his girlfriend will be coming over in the afternoon and I have a million chores I need to do around the house before they arrive.”

That’s fine. Things happen. But, I read this as “Me me me. I am important. My work is important. My errands are important. Your time isn’t as important.” Just apologize by starting with, “I am so sorry to do this…” No worries.

Screens are easy to hide behind, but remember that there is another person at the other end who deserves respect, even if you haven’t met yet.

©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC