Q. My ex is not a good person. She sends me terrible text messages that the kids have read over my shoulder. They tell me she refers to me as “sperm donor” when she talks to her friends. (They aren't sure what that means, but they know it's bad.) Now the kids are telling me they don’t want to go back to her home. We alternate weeks, and ...Read more

Q. I don’t hate my ex, and I’d like to get him a little something for Christmas. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. I have multiple answers to your question. Do you have children or not? Using the children as qualifiers, that will help determine my answer.

If you don’t have children, how will the present be received, and what is the ...Read more

Q. My son recently married a woman with four children. They also have a baby together, my only grandchild. We are expecting a lot of company for the upcoming holiday, and I have asked my son to bring my grandchild but leave his wife’s children at home. There’s just not enough room. Now he’s refusing to come, and I’m broken-hearted. What ...Read more

Q. My husband’s kids come back to our home with all sorts of stories about their mother and what they do at her house. I feel like I have no privacy. I have told the kids on multiple occasions that what goes on at our house is our business, and I don’t care what goes on at their mother’s home, but they continue to talk about it over there...Read more

Q.My husband recently died. We were married for almost 50 years. He was married prior to our life together and he always told me they divorced because she did not want children. We went on to have three wonderful daughters. His passing was expected, but a terrible blow. I recently received a letter from the funeral home saying that his ex-wife ...Read more

Q. My husband’s 8-year-old daughter has a birthday this weekend and she decided she would like to take a few friends to the movies and then out for frozen yogurt around the corner from our home. My husband and his ex-wife plan to take her and I was not invited. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. Let’s clarify something first. Your husband’s ...Read more

Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We do not live together but see each other or talk almost every day. His ex died three years ago. They had a daughter, who is 6, who lives with my boyfriend. The problem is my boyfriend has a very large tattoo of both his ex and his daughter’s names on his chest right above his heart. This makes...Read more

Q. I wish I could say I look forward to the holidays, but now that my kids’ mother and I have split up, it just seems impossible. Thanksgiving is the worst. We used to live in the same neighborhood, therefore alternating just Thanksgiving Day worked. But their mom recently moved to the next town. The kids hate sitting in the car. I hate ...Read more

Q. I read your column, and I find it fascinating that you think that people who have volatile backgrounds can get along. My ex was a very violent person. We all had the bruises to prove it. I finally left three years ago and didn’t look back. They never see the kids, and to think I should reach out for the sake of the children is outside of my...Read more

Q. Halloween is always a problem. I want the kids to be with me and their dad wants them to be with him. I keep trying to tell him that the kids want to trick-or-treat with their friends, not in a neighborhood 30 minutes away, but he says they have friends near him, too. It’s so frustrating! Their dad never listens to me. What’s good ex-...Read more

Q. My bonus daughter and I get along very well and many people who meet us just assume I am her mother. I believe I should always support her mother, so I am quick to correct the assumption. Even though she has never said anything, I can tell by my bonus daughter’s expression that she is disappointed by my clarification. Is it necessary to ...Read more

Q. I don’t trust my child’s father. He says one thing and does another—all the time. I get to the point where I think maybe, just maybe, I can trust him and then he pulls something that makes me furious. Most recently I found out he is taping when we exchange the kids to use against me at some point, but last week he was telling our co-...Read more

Q. Every time my ex and I don’t agree, he takes me back to court. This last time we were ordered to go to co-parenting counseling. I really don’t see how that will help. We don’t trust each other, and we don’t agree on anything. I mean anything, from what time the kids should go to bed at each other’s homes to who can pick up the kids ...Read more

Q. My ex and I have been separated for 6 months. Yesterday my ex refused to drop our kids off at my home because my girlfriend’s car was in the driveway. I think she thinks my girlfriend and I were seeing each other prior to our breakup, but we were not. She was a co-worker and that is against company policy. I was recently transferred to ...Read more