Teen Daughter Acting Up After Breakup
DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my daughter might be suffering from a broken heart. I'm speculating, but a few weeks ago, she and her boyfriend broke up; he's a rising star on his high school football team, and you know how that goes. Anyway, she's been rude and moody, and she actually ended up pushing her mom during a heated argument. Unfortunately, I wasn't there for this as we co-parent, but when her mom told me this, I was shocked. She's never behaved like this before, and I think it may be because she's hurting. What should I say to her about this? What if I'm wrong and it's not about the breakup? What then? -- Tough Teen
DEAR TOUGH TEEN: Spending time with your daughter should be your goal. Do your best to be in touch with her through texts and calls, and carve out time for the two of you to be in each other's company. Get her to talk to you if you can. Don't ask too many questions, as that will likely make her shut down. By being close to her, you may be able to get her to relax a bit. Between spending time with her and talking to her mom, do your best to put together the pieces to see what her mental state is. You may also try telling her stories of your life at her age, especially if you had a breakup. Ask her if you can support her in any way, and listen to see how she responds.
DEAR HARRIETTE: For a few months, I have been dating a guy who is very kind and mostly attentive. When we first met, he said that his life was great except for the fact that he didn't have any money. It turns out that was a literal statement. He hasn't had a job in more than a year, though somehow he is able to keep an apartment and take care of himself. He does not have money to take me on dates or to do anything. As I have listened to him talk about his life, I hear him saying that he doesn't value money. He has broken up with women because they valued it too much -- but he is living at the opposite extreme. His phone has been cut off at least three times this year. I am growing frustrated by his reality, but I really like him. Am I fooling myself? This is a grown man, and while he says he is looking for work, I don't see the fruits of that effort. Why am I holding on? -- No Hope
DEAR NO HOPE: It sounds like this man's life is complicated and stressful right now. He may need a friend more than anything. Because you do genuinely like him, if you believe you can be a friend to him without risking romantic entanglement at a time when he is not up for that level of engagement, continue to talk to him. See what type of person he is, how he handles his business and how responsible he is. These are real concerns. Right now, he is living in crisis mode, even if he does not show it outwardly. Having a long-term relationship with him will require him to get on the other side of this critical moment so that you can see how he lives.
I want to be clear here: I am not saying that you cannot have a relationship with someone who has lost his job or is experiencing hard times. I am saying that to build a life with someone successfully usually requires getting to know them, spending time with them and discovering how your lives intersect and complement each other. This is hard to do when someone is in the depths of crisis. You need time to determine if this relationship is worth saving. Allow that time if you think he is worth it.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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