ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sitting in an airline seat, you need not ask permission of the person behind you to recline your seat. Once permission to move is granted by the captain, you can recline, if your chair has the ability to do so.

On what planet would you ask someone else (as you have suggested) if you can adjust the seat that you paid to sit in? If engineers and airlines didn't want the seats to recline, they would remove the option. Get a grip or pass the torch and retire.

GENTLE READER: By all means, blame the airlines. They should not have equipment that can be used to discomfort their passengers.

And Miss Manners would be happy to retire just as soon as you and everyone else learn the basic premise without which civilization does not function: If you treat others callously, you needn't feel clever for having gotten an advantage, because others will then treat you callously and life will be unpleasant for everyone.

Why should you care about the comfort of the person sitting behind you? Because the person in front of you could just as well lower that seat onto your lap.

Of course, your obliging airline is willing to let you pay even more so that cannot happen. But what if another passenger, having also paid the extra fare, feels entitled to leave the shared bathroom in a disgusting state?

You know, and do not care, that Miss Manners finds your sense of entitlement ugly. But you should also know that it will come back to get you in the long run. (Or perhaps, in the case of an equally entitled fellow passenger, in the short run.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I lost three dear friends this year. With the holidays approaching, it does not seem right to wish their families a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year.

I have purchased blank "thinking of you" cards instead. What do I write in them? Should I share a memory of the loved one they lost?

Knowing nothing I say will take away their loss, I just want to comfort them to let them know their father, their husband and their brother were dear to me and many others.

GENTLE READER: Uh, you did write letters of condolence at the time, didn't you? With your sympathy and appreciation of those who died?

If you have more such reminiscences to share, then sure, do so.

But it occurs to Miss Manners that if you are thinking about these bereaved families now, you likely realize that they could be particularly lonely at a time when others are gathering with their families. Is there some way you can include them -- perhaps by visiting them, or by inviting them to events that are somewhat subdued, depending on their state of mourning?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you please shed some light on what's appropriate when giving a gift and the price tag is not easily removable? Is it better to half-remove it and mark through the rest, leaving a shoddy sticker mess, or to just leave the price there for all to see?

GENTLE READER: Ink it out, and please try not to make a mess.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2024 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2024 JUDITH MARTIN