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Sharing a Home but Not the Load

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: My younger sister "Kayla" recently moved in with me while she finishes school. I offered because she was struggling financially and I have the space. At first, it felt good to help her out, but now I'm regretting the offer. She leaves dishes in the sink, stays up late watching TV loudly and has her friends over without asking. I've tried dropping hints, but she either brushes them off or apologizes in the moment and keeps doing the same thing.

What bothers me most is that she doesn't contribute to groceries or chores. I'm not expecting rent, but I didn't sign up to be a maid or a parent. I'm starting to dread coming home. I know she's going through a lot, and I don't want to make things harder for her, but I also feel like my kindness is being taken for granted.

How can I set better boundaries without damaging our relationship? -- Feeling Like the Landlord

Dear Landlord: It sounds like you have very reasonable ground rules for your home. Have you expressed them to her? If not, tell her gently that you're happy to have her stay with you, but you do have some expectations. She can't follow the rules if she doesn't know they exist.

Dear Annie: I come to you for advice as a brokenhearted mother. I have a family member, my daughter, who has not spoken to me since the week of the presidential election. We have completely opposite political views, but we have never let this interfere with our relationship before. In the past, we may have had a discussion, but it never accelerated to anything uncomfortable.

The week of the election, she questioned why I voted for the candidate I did. We had a 20-minute heart-to-heart that ended with both of us saying we agreed to disagree on the other's views. I thought everything was fine. But then she followed that conversation up with a request for "some space." That was months ago, and I have not heard from her since.

 

I am hurt and heartbroken. I love her and miss her, and I don't know what to do. -- Heartbroken Mom

Dear Heartbroken Mom: I'm sorry you're going through this. I can imagine how confusing it must feel to think you ended a tense conversation on the same page, only to be met with months of silence.

The best thing you can do now is continue being patient and let your daughter come back to you in her own time. Reach out letting her know you love her, miss her and are here when she's ready to reconnect. Don't bring up the disagreement or ask her for explanations. Just keep the door open and have faith she will come back to you when the time is right.

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Annie Lane's second anthology -- "How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

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