ArcaMax

Dear Annie: My husband and I have a 6-year-old daughter, "Eliza," and we recently have not been seeing eye to eye in terms of how to handle discipline. For example, last week, when she refused to put her toys away after playing with them, I told her she couldn't watch TV until it was done. She threw a fit, and instead of backing me up, my husband told her it was OK and helped her put the toys away himself. Another time, when she talked back to me at the dinner table, I asked her to apologize, but he interrupted and said she was just expressing herself.

These situations leave me feeling undermined and like I'm the only one enforcing rules. I don't want her to feel she can pit us against each other, and I have also noticed myself getting more and more resentful when he takes her side over mine. I just think we need to be consistent, but I don't know if it's possible when our views on discipline seem fundamentally different. -- Feeling Like the Bad Cop

Dear Bad Cop: Try talking to your husband during a calm moment when your daughter isn't around, and make sure you start the conversation by acknowledging you both want what's best for her. Then, work together to create a basic set of rules you both agree to follow. Consistency is key.

Parenting is a team sport, and when kids see their parents supporting each other, they feel more secure -- and more likely to cooperate.

Dear Annie: My sister "Kate" and I were close growing up, but as adults, somehow, things seem to have gotten more competitive and hostile. For instance, at my son's birthday party last week, she made a point to tell everyone that her daughter was reading at a higher grade level and has started extra tutoring because she's "so advanced." It felt like she was trying to one-up me, and it kind of ruined my day.

It's not just about the kids, though. When I mentioned that my husband and I are looking at homes to buy, she quickly jumped in to say they're planning on upgrading to a bigger house in a "nicer" neighborhood soon. She does this all the time, turning every conversation into a competition. They're always small things, but my resentment has built up over time.

I've tried ignoring it, but her comments make me feel small in front of our family. I don't know how to address this without making it sound like I'm overreacting. Help! -- Tired of Competing

Dear Tired: It's hard to feel good about your own achievements when someone is always jumping in to overshadow them. Addressing this doesn't have to lead to a big confrontation, though.

Try not to let her comments take up too much time or attention. If you brush them off and shift the focus to other family members, she may eventually notice that the competitive comments don't get much traction and start to ease up.

If that doesn't work, address things one on one, explaining that you'd like to be able to celebrate each other's accomplishments without feeling like it's a competition.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.