ArcaMax

"Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in."

That's what Al Pacino so famously says in "The Godfather Part III." He's bemoaning the fate of Michael Corleone, who thought he had gotten out of a life of crime, only to be dragged back in.

It's also what millions of remote workers say when they thought they had gotten out of a life at the office, only to be dragged back in by heartless managers -- not criminals, perhaps, but mobsters all the same.

Whether you are officially back in the office or still clinging to the dream of working from home, there are times when you find yourself somewhere in between. You could be on a business trip, spending endless hours in airports in order to spend useless minutes with clients, or you could have ventured out on your own, hoping to find renewed energy and regenerated commitment by plunking yourself down at a table at Starbucks or setting up shop on a bench in the park.

While there is much to say for freeing yourself from the tyranny of hot desks and Aeron chairs, there is a fundamental problem with being able to work from anywhere. That problem, of course, is that being away from your desk makes it difficult to not work. And if you don't want to work in the office, and you don't want to work at home, why would want to work when you're on the road?

Jenni Gritters doesn't understand this. That's why the Wirecutter writer recently published "These Essentials Will Let You Work From Anywhere," a comprehensive buying guide for road warriors in the The New York Times. While Gritters does provide a comprehensive list of "essentials" you can use to work anywhere, the shopping guide that follows covers the essentials you need if you want to not work from anywhere.

No. 1: The Mighty Midget 1-Inch Power Cable -- $47.75

One of the most enjoyable places to not work is a coffee shop. The smell of roasting robusta will energize you, and the faces of the frustrated customers who can't find anywhere to sit (because people like you are monopolizing all the chairs) will provide endless entertainment.

The problem of not working at a coffee shop is that you may feel guilty taking up space and start working. This can't happen if your laptop is out of power.

While there are extra-long power cables recommended by Gritters, allowing you to keep working even if you are far from a power source, the Mighty Midget 1-Inch cable makes it almost impossible to bring power to your device. Even if you are sitting next to an outlet, connecting the 1-inch power cord to your laptop will force you to start working under the table while it charges (assuming you aren't working under the table to begin with.)

Note: For an additional $745.99, an upgrade choice includes a special slow-charge feature and a solar array that covers three tables.

No. 2: The Good Luck Finding It Wi-Fi Hot Spot -- $136.50

"If you'll be traveling often or working entirely from public spaces," writes Gritters, "a dedicated hotspot makes a big difference for guaranteed connection." If you want to not work from public spaces, the area in which this hot spot can find a signal is so limited you can only access it by standing on a chair and waving the device in the air. Even finding the Wi-Fi will result in extreme frustration, since the device is engineered to disconnect 20 seconds after making a connection.

No. 3: Thunderdome Noise-Amplifying Headphones -- $267.45

An environment of peace and quiet can make it difficult to not work. The Thunderdome noise-amplifying headphones will magnify the sound of a leaf dropping into an earthshaking cacophony, impossible to work through. Whether you're trying to work in a public library or quiet spot in nature, your noise-amplifying Thunderdome headphones will make sure that all you produce is an ear-splitting migraine.

No. 4: Tony's Teeny-Tiny Backpack -- $16.15

Need to travel with a laptop, a cellphone, assorted cables and cords, plus physical and digital files and reports? Well, forget it. Tony's Teeny-Tiny Backpack contains six dedicated micro pockets and three minuscule zipper pouches, all in a high-fashion backpack made of butter-soft palmellato leather, smaller than a Toaster Strudel. By turning a carry-all into a carry-none, doing work will become impossible. You will, however, be able to carry a stick of gum, two aspirins and a toothpick.

Really, what else does a road warrior need?

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Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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