PITTSBURGH — The aluminum pole has been retrieved from the crawl space. There's a dinner planned for later tonight, everyone is invited, and it will feature an airing of grievances, feats of strength and perhaps even a Festivus miracle or two.

Yes, it's that time. The first one, actually.

Festivus is part of our Pittsburgh sports heritage — at least it should be — so I decided to use the famous holiday from "Seinfeld" to look back at all that we've seen in 2024. We'll apply each professional sports team to the triumvirate above, plus one for the local college sports scene.

And because it's Festivus, a way of bypassing the commercialization of Christmas while simultaneously allowing me to tell everyone how they've disappointed me this year, I suppose fans should be included, too.

Be sure to invite your boss, stop by H&H Bagels on the way here (the new raisin bagels are awesome), and remember, Festivus won't end until George Pickens pins a defensive back in the back of the end zone.

Airing of grievances

I'd like to open by welcoming Brandon Aiyuk to our little gathering. ... Wait, hang on. My sources say he's still stuck at the goal line. So let's say hello to Kenny Pickett instead.

Darn, 0 for 2. Guess I'll just get us started.

Steelers: The only thing more frustrating than the Aiyuk saga was that it ended with a glaring roster hole. General manager Omar Khan made some solid additions to the team. There's a veteran quarterback, the most expensive defense in football and much to like about the Steelers. And also no legitimate No. 2 wide receiver.

Penguins: Kyle, Frank Costanza left me a note back in November. Haven't opened it, but if you don't mind, I thought I'd do that here. "My friend Jason said your team stinks." OK, like I said, it's a little old. The team has improved. But whether it's been blown leads, Tristan Jarry's struggles or the play of Ryan Graves and Erik Karlsson, grievances have most certainly been aired.

Pirates: Where to begin? (Looks around) The Rowdy Tellez experience was wild: the worst of times, the best of times and Pirates designating ol' Rowdy for assignment four plate appearances shy of a $200,000 bonus. I'd use Tellez in this space, but this is Pittsburgh. We don't do that here. What the Pirates have done, however, is elicit an airing of grievances so vast that 115 Federal Street might be considered the North Pole of Festivus. I can almost hear Frank Costanza asking Ben Cherington: "What the hell did you trade Luis Ortiz for?"

Colleges: I dare Penn State or Pitt football to become something more than what we've expected. In other words, adjust that strength-to-weight ratio. Penn State got our hopes up again before losing to Ohio State and Oregon. We'll see against Boise State. Pitt's 7-0 start and 0-5 slide will mercifully end at the GameAbove Sports Bowl in Detroit on Thursday.

Fans: Sorry, the billboards aren't going to solve anything. Plus, I've heard Bob Nutting finds roadside advertising distracting.

Feats of strength

Now that Pickens and Greg Newsome have finished, I'd like Mr. Pickens to take us into the feats of strength. After all, not sure there's any bigger feat than upping the size of your next contract without actually playing a snap. Pretty impressive.

Steelers: At least the fuss over Cam Heyward and his contract was worth it. Dude's 35, and you'd hardly know it. He's having an All-Pro season. He's been a far better bet than the sawbuck Elaine put on Captain Nemo.

Penguins: Sidney Crosby followed a 42-goal season in 2023-24 by continuing to reach milestones this season, most notably 600 goals. In October, Evgeni Malkin got to 500. Yes, the Penguins have their faults. But it's still pretty impressive what Crosby, Malkin and Kris Letang are able to do.

Pirates: Despite falling short in plenty of close games and the offense, well, just plain falling short, the Pirates were actually 56-54 and in position to add at the trade deadline. We don't need to talk about how that ended, at least not here. But it was an intriguing stretch that I do believe the Pirates can replicate, if not surpass, in 2025.

Colleges: Duquesne men's basketball enjoyed a feat of strength (the best season in program history, an Atlantic 10 title and NCAA tournament win) ... but then opened with a bagel of wins through six games in 2024-25. Thankfully, Dru Joyce III has avoided any sort of two-face talk by devising a winning recipe.

Fans: This year marked my first full year on the road for Steelers coverage. The way yinz travel, taking over venues and forcing those stadiums to give away their own towels ... it's never not impressive. Scratches me right where I itch.

Festivus miracles

To honor their unexpected attendance tonight, I'd like Mike Sullivan and Derek Shelton to share a few words. But first, let's first acknowledge the Festivus miracle Mike Tomlin clearly expected to arrive that didn't — Justin Fields' third-down pass in the snow at Cleveland — as well as one that actually did in the form of Minkah Fitzpatrick's first turnover since 2022 Saturday in Baltimore.

Steelers: Hello, Russell Wilson. Care to stay for a bit? Think back to the Steelers' offseason following that snowy loss in Buffalo. Team president Art Rooney II said the organization believed in Pickett and Mason Rudolph. Funny he never mentioned anything about signing a nine-time Pro Bowler and Super Bowl champion for the league minimum.

Penguins: Mike, again, thanks for being here. The fact that you've seemingly gotten these guys to listen and pull out of that funk without reigning blows upon anyone is impressive. The same for the patience Kruger Industrial Smoothing ... er, Fenway Sports Group has shown in its organizational decision-making.

Pirates: Another hearty hello to Paul Skenes. Think you'd care to outlast Mr. Wilson? Seriously, step back and think about Skenes' arrival — and no, not at this rowhouse in Queens. I mean Pittsburgh. What if the Pirates would've went with Dylan Crews, Max Clark, Walker Jenkins or Wyatt Langford? Nothing against those other guys, but I'm obviously glad they didn't.

Colleges: Pennsylvania has turned into the volleyball capital of the country. Pitt's Olivia Babcock was named the AVCA National Player of the Year on Friday, and Penn State won a national championship two days later, on Sunday. Even better: It happened while Nittany Lions coach Katie Schumacher-Cawley has been battling Stage-2 breast cancer. Such an incredible story.

Fans: Who could forget the Jagr bobbleheads and the Penguins becoming a victim of cargo theft? It happened before a game on March 14. Penguins president of business operations Kevin Acklin said 11 days later that "a special cargo recovery team negotiated the return of the stolen property to a secure warehouse located in Ontario, Calif." Just when it seemed the Penguins would be giving out donations to the Human Fund — money for people — another miracle occurred.

Happy Festivus, everyone.

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