Take a Gander at These Goose Eggs
Readers have sent me a fresh batch of bloopers from newspapers and magazines. Can you spot the blots?
1. "The signets had matured and their gander seemed to have mended his bullying ways." Is this about swans or seals? 2. "Patients chose to go elsewhere or forego treatment all together." A group medical plan?
3. "The fact that he was a stranger hardly phased them." They didn't know him from the man in the moon. 4. "Learn how to identify the poison plants and give them a wide birth." And keep them out of nurseries.
5. "(A gardener) creates typical English boarders, which she describes as organized chaos." I can take the chaos, as long as they pay their room and board. 6. "A piece of machinery has been causing a raucous, neighbors say." And more than one raw cuss, no doubt.
7. "He was pouring over dusty archives." They ain't dusty anymore. 8. "Typhoon wrecks havoc in Japan." And this is a bad thing?
9. (Quoting a baseball player) "I tended to be on my heals a little too much." A blister hurts, even if it's getting better. 10. "In addition to the adults, they also issued seven summonses to miners." One for each dwarf?
11. "(The governor) and his lackeys did an admirable job of injecting fear of blackouts into the populous." A lot of them! 12. "All forms returned will include the information gleamed from the parent input information." Including shining examples?
13. "The movie doesn't open until Oct. 19, but that didn't stop New Line (Cinema) from showing a 25-minute peak to the press." Was it "Brokeback Mountain"? 14. "In a bitter primary battle, Kim did not back down, wracking up expected wins over Murphy." Bringing Murphy to wrack and ruin?
15. "He's joining a rouges' gallery (of corrupt politicians)." There must have been a cover up involved. 16. "The new treasurer's efforts have complimented a push by (Gov. Ned) Lamont and the General Assembly to bolster Connecticut's efforts." Nice job, Gov!
17. "It marks the latest of several other acts recently introduced that hone in on the emerging technology." Sharper knives? 18. "It's a great cause and a real feather in the services that the town can offer." Let's hope the citizens aren't ticklish.
Corrections: 1. cygnets 2. altogether 3. fazed 4. berth 5. borders 6. ruckus 7. poring 8. wreaks 9. heels 10. minors 11. populace 12. gleaned 13. peek 14. racking up 15. rogues' gallery 16. complemented 17. home in 18. feather in the town's cap?
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Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Connecticut, invites your language sightings. His book, "Mark My Words," is available for $9.99 on Amazon.com. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via email to WordGuy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.
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