Advice for the Surgeon General
Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has issued an advisory announcing something most of us suspected: Parenting is hard.
To ease the pain -- parents are woefully lonely, and about half report overwhelming daily stress versus 26% of nonparents -- Murthy endorses measures personal, political and workplace: more paid time off, more child care funding, more mental health screening and more funding, more child income tax credits, more meditating and mindfulness (on the part of parents), more helping out and empathy (on the part of everyone else). And all this goes double for parents in poverty and/or whose kids have health problems. So true!
Also mentioned ever so briefly is that "a modern practice of time-intensive parenting and contemporary expectations around childhood achievement may contribute further to the stressors faced by parents."
"May"??? That's where we come in.
At Let Grow, the nonprofit that grew out of the Free-Range Kids movement, we can't fix poverty, disease or taxes. But we are working day and night to fix those "intensive" parenting expectations that have led the surgeon general to note that moms spend 40% more time on child care than they did in 1985. Dads now spend 154% more time on child care too.
Our part of the solution? Simple: Give kids back some independence.
Renormalize kids doing things on their own without constant adult supervision. This can ease parents' burden starting ... today!
For example, we recently ran a piece suggesting parents don't have to play with their kids so much. They can if they want to, of course! But getting down on all fours to play pony when the chicken needs sauteing is unnecessary. Around the world, a cultural anthropologist explained, kids are expected to play with other kids or come up with some other way of shaking off boredom without a decades-older playmate. It's actually good for them to figure out how to do this, so there should be NO GUILT about being a bored or AWOL playmate!
Let Grow also encourages parents to open the door -- and let kids walk out unsupervised. To this end, we created The Let Grow Experience -- a free curriculum for K-12 schools that gives students this assignment: "Go home and do something new on your own, with your parents' permission -- but without your parents."
This simple nudge helps parents let go, often for the first time. Off their kids trot to the store, park or even just to the kitchen to make breakfast while mom and dad do something else. (Perhaps something that will make them more cheerful.) Over and over, we hear from parents stunned and proud to discover their kids are so capable -- and thrilled they didn't wait another year (or 10) to find out. The kids feel terrific too: energized and needed.
Result? More free time for both generations. The cherry on top? The surgeon general is asking people to lend parents a hand. Those people can be their own children!
Finally, we've passed laws in eight states that enshrine "reasonable childhood independence" -- the right of parents to take their eyes off their kids so long as they're not putting them in obvious, immediate danger. We are also working to pass laws in the rest of the country, and you can join our crusade. Note: It is NOT ILLEGAL to give your kids independence. Our law just makes that even clearer.
Long Island University psychology Prof. Camilo Ortiz tweeted: "Overwhelmed and overworked parents! There is a magical solution to the incessant demands that 'good' parents are always on the job. Independence activities (IAs) like grocery shopping help kids develop grit and social skills while allowing you to have more free time. Everybody wins. It really is that simple."
It really is. Surgeon General Murthy: Spread the word!
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Lenore Skenazy is president of Let Grow, a contributing writer at Reason.com, and author of "Has the World Gone Skenazy?" To learn more about Lenore Skenazy (Lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.
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