Do card games teach life lessons? A pro poker player says yes

Costa Mesa, California, realtor Valerie Torelli comes from a family of card players; her father was a successful handicapper (someone who analyzes sporting events to find an edge when placing bets on games).

So, when her then-teenage son Alec told her he wanted to go pro as a poker player, she had but one thought: “WOW, just WOW,” she says. “The correlation to life and the cards you are dealt was just so apparent to Alec at a young age that his involvement felt strategic. Alec was approaching it by studying and talking to others about optimum plays and the math behind them. With Alec, it truly felt good right from the beginning.”

Call it mother’s intuition, because Alec Torelli has been a professional poker player for nearly 20 years, and has racked up more than $2.7 million in winnings. By age 19, Alec had become a top 10 winner in online poker, and shortly after he became the only player to win back-to-back events at Las Vegas’ famed Bellagio.

Today, he’s also the founder of Conscious Poker, an online poker training site aimed at helping people make better decisions on the felt and in life. Here are some insights he shared in an email interview:

Q: My teenage son wants to learn poker; he thinks it “sounds cool.” It sounds like a bad idea to me! All I see is a gateway to gambling addiction and a time waster. But what could he gain from it?

A: Poker, when approached responsibly, can be a highly beneficial learning tool for young people. It’s not just about the cards; it’s about developing critical thinking, emotional intelligence, and strategic decision-making skills. Poker teaches discipline and patience, as players must wait for the right opportunities to act. It also fosters a deep understanding of risk management and probability, which are valuable in many areas of life.

I believe the decision-making framework I learned from poker has helped me in the real world, too — from making investments and analytical thinking to running a business, to reading people during conversations and overcoming adversity when life throws me a curveball.

Q: When and why did you start playing? And when did you realize card-playing could be your career?

A: I started playing poker when I was 16 and was immediately captivated by the strategic and psychological aspects of the game. It started as a hobby I enjoyed with friends, but I soon discovered I had talent. Winning my first online tournament while I was still in high school and being among the biggest winners in my weekly home game boosted my confidence.

At 18, while studying at Southern Methodist University, I reached a crossroads: focus on school or commit to poker. Using the skills I learned in poker, I evaluated the risks, rewards, and opportunity costs of both paths. My worst-case scenario in pursuing poker was losing the money I had saved and being one year behind my peers. When I compared that with my upside — traveling the world and competing in the game I loved — I realized I had little to lose and everything to gain. Recognizing a once-in-a-lifetime chance to pursue my dream, I decided to go all in on poker.

Q: What particular skills as a competitive poker player have translated to other parts of your life?

A: Poker has taught me invaluable skills both on and off the felt. It has honed my ability to make decisions under pressure, a crucial advantage in business and life. Emotional regulation, another key skill, helps maintain a balanced perspective despite the game’s ups and downs. Strategic thinking and planning, central to poker, have greatly benefited my approach to life’s challenges and business ventures. Finally, poker mirrors life as a game of incomplete information, where one is forced to make bets without having all the facts. This perspective has taught me to view risk as an opportunity and has given me the confidence to trust myself.

Q: What do you think is the least understood part of playing games?

A: I think the least understood aspect of playing games, especially poker, is the importance of the mental game. Many people focus solely on strategy, but the psychological elements are equally, if not more, crucial.

This includes managing tilt (emotional upset due to bad luck), maintaining focus over long periods, and understanding the ever-changing psychological dynamics between players. The ability to read opponents and adapt strategies based on their behavior is an art form that often goes unnoticed. It’s one thing to intellectually know what the right play is while watching the game on TV from the comfort of your home, it’s another to make it in real time while everything is on the line.

Q: When you lose, how do you keep going?

A: Losses are an inevitable part of poker, and learning to handle them is crucial for long-term success.

The key is to focus on the process rather than the results. I avoid focusing on the money, and instead view it as a byproduct of doing my job correctly, which is to make winning bets. I analyze each hand to understand if I made the best possible decision with the information I had at the time. If I did, then the outcome is irrelevant.

It’s also important to keep a balanced lifestyle. Regular exercise, meditation, gratitude and finding balance help maintain perspective and mental clarity. Having a strong support system and engaging in activities outside of poker ensures that the game doesn’t define my entire self-worth.

Losses then become learning experiences rather than setbacks. I’ve come to view them as an opportunity to grow and improve. By focusing on these aspects, poker can be a rewarding pursuit that goes beyond the game itself.