Dad Won't Stop Smoking Around Grandchildren
DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad's a heavy smoker and has been for as long as I can remember. When I was growing up, he used to smoke inside the house constantly. I remember the smell being everywhere-- in my clothes, in the walls, even in my toys. I developed some health issues that I believe were tied to all that secondhand smoke exposure, and it's something I've carried with me into adulthood.
I have two young children of my own, ages 2 and 6, and I'm protective of their health. I've made it clear to my dad that I don't want him smoking around my kids. He doesn't smoke inside the house when he visits, but whenever we're outside together -- like in the backyard, at a park or even just walking around -- he lights up without thinking twice. I've reminded him multiple times, but he either brushes it off or says things like, "We're outside, it's fine," or "One puff isn't going to hurt them." It's beyond frustrating. How can I get through to him in a way that doesn't feel like an attack but still makes it clear that this is non-negotiable for me? -- Stop Smoking
DEAR STOP SMOKING: Now is the time to be direct and firm. Tell your father that if he continues to smoke around your children, he is no longer welcome to come over. Show him data regarding the negative impact of secondhand smoke on others, and tell him that as much as you love him, you are unwilling to subject your children to what you had to endure your whole life.
You are not overreacting; the negative impacts of secondhand smoke are significant. Think coronary heart disease, stroke, lung cancer and adverse reproductive health effects in women, as well as sudden infant death syndrome, respiratory infections, ear infections and asthma attacks in children. For more information, visit cdc.gov/tobacco/secondhand-smoke/health.html.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend of mine will be celebrating a milestone birthday in about two months. We've been friends for nearly 15 years, and she has always made it her duty to be there for me -- especially for special occasions. We haven't lived in the same city for eight years, so it means the world to me that she's always supporting me. For her birthday this year she's taking a trip to the Caribbean. I won't be able to join due to financial constraints, but I still want to celebrate her. Do you have any unique and affordable suggestions for making a loved one feel special when you can't be present with them? -- Long-Distance Birthday
DEAR LONG-DISTANCE BIRTHDAY: Make her a birthday video telling her highlights of your friendship and how much you appreciate her. If you know her other friends, invite them to submit birthday messages and create a compilation that you share with her. Coordinate with someone who is going on the trip to have it played for her during one of the celebratory moments.
If you know where's she's staying, you could call ahead and have the front desk deliver a bottle of champagne or bouquet of flowers that she can enjoy on the trip.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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