Soda Water: Which Is It, Soda Or Water?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Self-service fountain machines at pizza parlors and delis have the different sugary sodas labeled with big buttons, while there are often smaller black "water" and "soda" buttons below.
I have always believed that the aerated water dispensed by the "soda" button is still just water, meaning I can fill up a cup for free. After all, it is not on the menu for purchase. Is my assumption correct? My partner says that this is stealing and I need to pay for it.
I once asked at the register to confirm this was OK, and the young guy there said "sure." But at lunch at a different restaurant, I said I was going to get some soda and my partner said "OK, if you want to steal it" -- right in front of the owner, who was walking by our table.
I do not identify as a thief, and I felt hurt.
Is there something I am overlooking? Should I ask each time, at each restaurant? Or is my assumption OK that aerated or not, water is still water? I do acknowledge that the soda button uses a small amount of the aeration cartridge shared by the other beverages.
I am happy to change my practice and ask each time, but now I'm just irritated with my partner and digging in my heels. Please weigh in.
GENTLE READER: The argument that compels Miss Manners the most is that soda water is not otherwise on the menu. Is this true for every establishment? That would be the question to ask: "May I have a cup for soda water, or is that something I can purchase from you?"
You then have full permission to give a smug, satisfied smile to your partner when the answer is in your favor. Provided you still want to dine with someone who has been calling you a thief.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was born a natural redhead. But as the years went by, my hair color faded away, and now I need extra help from my beautician to keep my hair red.
My entire life, strangers have asked me, rather frequently, if red is my natural color. Now, I feel inclined to explain that it once was, but that I currently dye it. However, that feels awkward and unnecessary.
What would you suggest I say when someone asks me this very direct question?
GENTLE READER: "My hair is naturally red." This is not only technically truthful, but more importantly, succinct. You do not owe anyone, much less impertinent strangers -- and it is indeed impertinent to ask someone such a private question -- a detailed confessional.
Miss Manners will leave it up to you if you feel compelled to divulge the whole truth to your friends -- but she holds out hope that your friends are too polite to ask. Or already know the answer.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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