ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There are many examples of technology and bad behavior merging, and I ask for your opinion regarding one that bothers me: people locking their vehicles by pressing the key fob twice, which causes the vehicle to omit a loud chirp.

All one has to do to lock a car is push the button inside the door, or at most, push the fob once, which doesn't cause a loud noise. In parking lots and garages, these unexpected loud noises can startle people, and in residential areas, they can awaken sleepers.

This practice shows a lack of concern for others. Also, I don't understand the motivation: Is there some small sense of power the person gets from using the technology?

GENTLE READER: Yours is an excellent example of technology inviting bad behavior. Why could not the engineers simply have made the device vibrate and/or light up when locking the door?

But Miss Manners cannot condemn people for using this technology, and she does not share your mystification about why people press the button more than once. She doubts there is any sense of power gained from using this tool, but does understand its marginal ability to assuage the sense of powerlessness about whether the door has actually been locked.

Plus, it can help locate a car in a crowded and poorly labeled parking lot.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I stopped eating potluck food at work years ago when I found cat hair in a piece of cake. Apparently, the lady who brought the cake regularly let her cats jump up on her kitchen counter. I was always careful with food before that, but that was the last straw.

I was invited to a co-worker's home for dinner recently, but declined going. I had been there before, and the kitchen was very dirty, and there was a big fat cat roaming around.

I think people feel snubbed when I tell them "Thanks, but no thanks" when they offer me food. Another example: The lady downstairs is a heavy smoker and drinker. When she calls me up and asks if I would like some of the food she has prepared, I always find an excuse to decline. She seems miffed about it.

At an event in a park, a lady I did not know had a big bucket of cookies and was offering them to people. I almost took one, asking her what bakery she got them from, and she said she made them herself. I withdrew my hand and told her "No, thanks" and she got angry at me.

I don't want to sound snobby, but how do I politely get out of these food offers?

GENTLE READER: You also do not want to waste food, nor do you want to be dishonest -- by, for example, saying that you already ate.

Miss Manners can accommodate this long list so long as you do not also insist on being original: Say "No, thank you" -- this, time before reaching for a cookie -- and repeat it as many times as necessary, resisting the temptation to explain your reasons.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN