Life Advice

/

Health

Siblings' Personal Attacks Exacerbate Loss Of Mother

Abigail Van Buren on

DEAR ABBY: I have two sisters. Our mother passed away last year after a bad fall. I was her primary caretaker and was with her every day. The other two sisters were not speaking to her at all, which hurt her deeply. She had dementia but still missed them and would talk about them often. It was all very sad.

When Mom died, my older sister wouldn't tell her goodbye. She didn't attend the funeral and said to everyone who would listen that she wasn't sad. My younger sister arrived -- late -- for the funeral. Afterward, they attacked me -- screaming, cursing, etc. They were angry over small things, like the fact that I used my older sister's maiden name in a DRAFT of Mom's obituary.

I cut them off and have stopped speaking to them and to the rest of the family. I want no details about my life getting back to them, giving them reason to attack me again. The problem is that my entire family is now gone. I am so sad. Not only did I lose my mother, but everyone else as well. Should I approach them? -- WORSE THAN GRIEF IN GEORGIA

DEAR WORSE: I would advise against approaching your sisters again, for the reasons you stated. If you wish to contact extended family, reach out with the understanding that anything you tell them will likely drift back to your sisters. Because your siblings are so unpleasant, it may make more sense for you to concentrate your energies on deepening the friendships you have with others.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Ted" for a little over a year. We spend a lot of time together -- nearly every day. I spend time at his house, and we often go to the park or go out to eat together. I finally noticed after all this time that he has never asked to become friends on Facebook, although I've hinted about it to him a few times.

Yesterday, we were both a few glasses of sangria in when he began showing me photos from his Facebook page. When I asked him why we weren't Facebook friends, he changed the subject. When I told him it hurts my feelings that he doesn't want to be Facebook friends, he got angry and wouldn't acknowledge my question. The evening was over after that.

This isn't the first time I've expressed concern over something, and it's also not the first time he has refused to acknowledge my feelings over something like this. What should I do? -- LIMITED FRIEND IN NEW JERSEY

 

DEAR LIMITED FRIEND: I don't know why Ted prefers to hide his Facebook content and neither do you. People have a right to some privacy. If the only glimpses of his FB are those he shares with you on his phone, there may be images there that he prefers you not see. This would also explain why he is adamant about not discussing it. What you need to do now is decide how important this issue is to you and act accordingly.

========

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

Copyright 2025 Andrews Mcmeel Syndication


This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.

 

Comments

blog comments powered by Disqus

 

Related Channels

Ask Amy

Ask Amy

By Amy Dickinson
Asking Eric

Asking Eric

By R. Eric Thomas
Dear Annie

Dear Annie

By Annie Lane
Miss Manners

Miss Manners

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin
My So-Called Millienial Life

My So-Called Millienial Life

By Cassie McClure
Sense & Sensitivity

Sense & Sensitivity

By Harriette Cole
Single File

Single File

By Susan Dietz

Comics

John Branch Pardon My Planet Popeye Mutts The Pajama Diaries Mallard Fillmore