Humor

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Entertainment

Damp Towel

Humor / Jokes /

One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.'

Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.

The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?"

A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that...Read more

Geography Class

Humor / Jokes /

Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?

Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.

Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?

Student: Yes, Sir.

Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?

Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
Because he was a dirty double crosser!

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!

What has two legs and flies?
A pig!

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
A cow that can milk itself!

Successful Marriage

Humor / Jokes /

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!

Q: How do you catch a runaway dog?
A: Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!

Q: What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
A: Wire haired terriers!!

Q: What kind of dog does a vampire prefer?
A: Any kind of bloodhound!

Q: What kind of dog sniffs out new...Read more

Definitions for Parents

Humor / Jokes /

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the mashed carrots.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it ...Read more

It Doesn't Surprise Me That There is a...

Humor / Jokes /

- Rudeville, New Jersey
- Boring, Oregon
- Hell, Michigan
- Hooker, California
- Virgin, Utah
- Dulls Corner, Maryland
- Bowlegs, Oklahoma
- Volcano, Hawaii
- Beersville, Pennsylvania
- Fleatown, Ohio
- Burnt Corn, Alabama
- Two Guns, Arizona
- Toad Suck, Arkansas

Turn Off the Lights

Humor / Jokes /

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would suddenly turn off. Each time the lights went out, the place would erupt into a loud cheer. However, when the patrons saw the nun walk in, the room went dead silent.

She walked ...Read more

The Rude Customer

Humor / Jokes /

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of ...Read more

A Visit from Grandmother

Humor / Jokes /

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning.

Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"

The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her ...Read more

Margot Robbie Tattooed A Member Of Production & More Crazy Ink Stories | The Graham Norton Show

Humor / Jokes /

Watch Hollywood's finest show off their most meaningful (and sometimes most regrettable) tattoos! This compilation will have you thinking twice before your next trip to the parlour!

Britt Lower Plays the Severance Theme Song on Trumpet; Talks Smoothie Mishap While Filming Season 2

Humor / Jokes /

Britt Lower talks about playing in the marching band in high school and accidentally eating a silica gel packet while filming the outdoor scenes in Season 2 of Severance before playing the show's theme song on the trumpet.

Steve Martin Checks His Messages During the Show | Carson Tonight Show

Humor / Jokes /

Original Airdate: October 28th, 1976

Pierce Brosnan Opens up About the James Bond Franchise | The Jonathan Ross Show

Humor / Jokes /

Pierce Brosnan reflects on his time as James Bond, shares his thoughts on the iconic franchise, and reveals what it really meant to step into 007’s shoes.

The Hilarious Don Rickles | The Dick Cavett Show

Humor / Jokes /

Dick Cavett is joined by comedian Don Rickles. Date aired – 13th April 1972

"Why Do We Need To Eat?" - Stephen Answers Real Questions From Real Kids

Humor / Jokes /

Kids. You would have gotten away with it if not for their meddling. Special thanks to the Mayor of Flavortown, Guy Fieri, for helping Stephen answer these real questions from real kids!

Andrea Martin and Catherine O'Hara | SCTV | English For Beginners

Humor / Jokes /

Perini frustrates her English teacher.

They Call The Wind Maria | The Smothers Brothers | The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour

Humor / Jokes /

The Smothers Brothers perform the song, They Call The Wind Maria, on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour.

Galaxy Song - Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

Humor / Jokes /

Galaxy Song, taken from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. Terry Jones picked this as part of his Top 10 Monty Python Movie Moments for Esquire Magazine - "It's such a lovely song. I think it's one of the best things Eric [Idle]'s ever done. There was going to be more animation but Terry was so busy with other parts of the film we ended up ...Read more

Minecraft Claw Machine Challenge with Jack Black and Jason Momoa | The Tonight Show

Humor / Jokes /

Jimmy, Jack Black and Jason Momoa play a game where they have to grab as many Minecraft-themed prizes as possible while being lowered down like a claw machine.

 

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