'In the Lost Lands' review: A post-apocalyptic waste
Published in Entertainment News
In a post-apocalyptic world robbed of color, coherence and any identifiable sense of intrigue, a witch and a bounty hunter roam the Earth, slowly stalked by those who wish them dead.
It's an agonizing slog, not only for them but for viewers of "In the Lost Lands," a hyper-stylish but painfully soulless entry in the oeuvre of Paul W. S. Anderson, the veteran filmmaker who is like the Paul Thomas Anderson of shlock.
Sometimes, as in his "Resident Evil" movies (he's directed four of them) or in 2020's "Monster Hunter" — another collaboration with his wife, Milla Jovovich — Anderson's films achieve a sort of campy, brainless excellence. "In the Lost Lands," which appears to have been shot entirely indoors against green screens, is so washed out there's nearly nothing left of it, like a T-shirt down to its bare threads, hanging on for dear life.
Jovovich plays Gray Alys, a wish-granting, face-tattooed witch who is being hunted by a crew of religious zealots, crypto monarchs and bulk-rate CGI skeleton zombies. She's on the road with Boyce (Dave Bautista), a bounty hunter who dresses like Bautista's former co-worker the Undertaker, and whose favorite weapon is his trusty two-headed snake.
Due to some plot contrivances too murky to decipher (but partially involving werewolves), the pair is headed on the several-days journey to a place called Skull River, which is just as foreboding as it sounds. (Maybe it's not full of skulls, you might think, and it was given that name to throw people off? Alas, this is not the case.) Along the way, they find themselves inside an abandoned nuclear reactor and crossing a gorge in a burned out school bus suspended from a wire, set pieces that sound much cooler than their actual rendering.
Along the way, Jovovich and Bautista are forced to utter lines like "no one ever accused me of being a clever man" (that one's Bautista) through what sound like clenched teeth.
"In the Lost Lands" is adapted from a story by George R.R. Martin, who probably didn't envision his work looking like a steampunk video game sent through a Zack Snyder filter. Everything is rendered in sepia tones, like Anderson lost his directors league fantasy football season and his punishment was he had to make a movie without using a single primary color. He's passed the misery on to audiences.
The last 10 or so minutes of "In the Lost Lands" feature an entire "Game of Thrones" season worth of plot twists, double crosses and perhaps even triple crosses, which have absolutely zero emotional payoff. By that time, the audience has felt like it has been walking in these lost lands for far too long and just needs a way out.
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'IN THE LOST LANDS'
Grade: D
MPA rating: R (for violence)
Running time: 1:41
How to watch: In theaters March 7
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